"Meet Virginia"

by Train

She never compromises,

Loves babies and surprises,

Wears high heels when she exercises.

Ain't that beautiful?

Meet Virginia.

This past Friday was the funeral for my grandma, Virginia. The funeral was truly wonderful. I really felt like it was one of the best I've been to. I hate it when I go to a funeral and either they make the person out to be a saint (which no one really is) or else you leave just feeling horribly sad and terrible...or worst of all, both. I hope that when I die my funeral will be "real." I hope people can laugh at my quirks while remembering my more redeeming qualities also. I hope they can leave my funeral feeling happy to have known me and to have had me in their lives. I also hope they will feel spiritually fed and renewed as they leave. This is how I felt leaving the funeral on Friday. I don't think anyone would ever say that my grandmother was a saint. However, I think we'd all agree, she was one of a kind and had many admirable qualities, even if they were sometimes hidden behind her cynical demeanor. To use one of her own words, my grandma was definitely a character.

It has been interesting to sort out my feelings after her death last Thursday, the 10th. Of course I miss her, and I'll always miss her. She could always make me laugh, even when she wasn't trying to. But I guess you could say we've been missing her for the last 2 and a half years. I was very lucky to have her present on the best and most important day of my life: the day I married Mike. Unfortunately, less than two months after our wedding, Grandma had a stroke, and everything changed. It was really a blessing to get to have her present at our reception. Grandma adored Mike and would tell me all the time how handsome she thought he was! I am so glad she was able to be there to celebrate our wedding. The pictures I have with her there are some of my most treasured pictures. Most of my life I remember Grandma absolutely refusing to smile at the camera. A lot of the time she'd duck and hide her head, but if not she'd just give the camera a good glare. At my wedding, however, she smiled big for the camera. Isn't she beautiful? I hope I can be so beautiful and classy when I am almost 91!When I was able to take some pictures alone with her we were talking between shots and at one point the photographer caught a shot of us laughing together. I absolutely LOVE this picture.
Grandma was a vibrant person, full of life. She was always going strong. At the age of 90 she was still driving her car, sporting her signature high heels, and even sitting Indian-style on the floor to play with her great-grandkids! After her stroke she was not the same person and we've missed her ever since. Yet, another side of her came out while living in the nursing home after her stroke. Although much of the time she wasn't fully sure who we were, or where she was, there was a more loving and thankful side to her that we got to see more prevalently in those last few years. I will cherish those memories of her just as well as the others throughout my time with her. This picture is one of my last with her in the nursing home. If she had any idea that her hair was white she probably wouldn't have smiled for the camera. :) Before her stroke she always had her hair dyed very dark brown. She had a weekly appointment to have her hair done to make sure she never let it look bad. Grandma's death could not have been truly unexpected to anyone. Although we weren't sure when she'd go, she'd been preparing us for it for as long as I can remember. Every single time I went to see her at her house I think she always told me as I left, "I probably won't be here next time." She was always saying she was going to die before the next time we'd come to see her. Even after she moved in with my parents in 2006 she'd still say the same thing. After surviving a stroke, though, her song seemed to change. One day Mike and I had gone to visit her in the nursing home. As we left I told her I'd come to see her after we got home from our vacation. She quickly responded, sounding quite upset about it, "I'll probably STILL be here." :) However, she soon got back to her old self again. Another time Mike and I had gone to visit her, I think it was a Sunday. I told her I'd come back to see her on Thursday and she said, "Well, I probably won't be here." I looked at her and said, "Really? Where are you going Grandma?" I guess this question caught her off guard and she seemed to really think about it for a minute. Then in a very serious voice she responded, "Probably to Hell." I couldn't help but laugh out loud. That was my grandma for you, even at age 93 there was never a dull moment with her! After years of hearing her say she wasn't going to be around much longer though, I think it became like the boy who cried wolf. Because I'd heard it so many times and believed it for quite long, eventually I began to believe that she'd never die. To me my grandma seemed invincible. Even after all these years of her telling me it was her time, I was still caught off guard by her passing. She was no longer invincible.

When I was in high school I decided that I really wanted to get to know her better. I began going out to her house once a week and spending one on one time with her. Those times together will never be forgotten and contain most of my fondest memories with her. I will never regret those days I spent with her. I only wish we had had more of them. There is so much more I wish I had learned about her. I remember her telling me that the next time I came over to her house with extra time she'd get out her photo albums and show me her dance photos and things. I soon moved to China for a few months and after that she moved in with my parents. That day never came and I will always regret it. But I do cherish the things I was able to learn about her during those days together.

There are a few trademark things that my grandma will always be remembered for, one of which was that she never hesitated to get down on the floor and play with her grandkids. I hope I'll be just like this too.I am sure this tendency had dwindled a bit by the time I came along, but I still remember her getting down and playing marbles with me at her house. I also remember her playing bean-bag tic-tac-toe with me (where you throw the bean bags at the big tic-tac-toe game to flip over the triangular blocks revealing either an X or an O). There was never a piano or dance recital of mine that she didn't attend, and even elementary school productions were on her list of things to do. She never missed a family event and I loved having her there to support me. These next few pictures are some of my favorites of the two of us together. (And you have to check out her famous ankle nylons in the last of these 4 pictures.) I'll always remember her Christmas bread-pudding and her famous green bean salad. (Everyone raved about these but I'll be honest, I hated them both!) There was never a single time that I went to visit my Grandma in which she didn't offer me both a drink ("a Coke") and a cookie. She ALWAYS had a fridge stocked full of Coca~Cola Classic. She also always had walnut cookies that made my mouth sting (I must be allergic to walnuts) but I always ate them anyway. Most of the time she'd also always offer me chips and dip too. As a child I vividly remember sitting with her at her kitchen window, eating chips and dip with a cookie and coke, and playing a game where we'd guess what color the next car to drive by would be. I loved that game and cannot imagine how long we'd sit there, considering that cars hardly ever drove down her dead-end street! Although Grandma was more than ready to stuff us full of Coca~Cola and cookies (as soon as one was gone she'd be ready with another), she somehow always maintained her tiny figure. She was 5'2" and weighed 105 lbs. Although she wasn't the healthiest eater I knew, she knew what she liked and ate only that, and nothing more. One of her very favorite things to eat though was a single hard-shell taco from Taco Bell. In Kristy's talk at her funeral she told of how my grandma was the only person she knew who could walk into the Bountiful Taco Bell and before even saying a single word, they'd have her order ready on the table for her. :) Not only did she always know what she wanted, after awhile, so did they! :)

Another thing she'll always be remembered for was her very strong opinion, especially about the way things should be done. If she didn't like something, she'd change it. She wasn't one to sit back and watch. She'd get in there and do all the work herself if that was the way to get it accomplished to her standards. This trait played a part even in my grandfather's name. His name was Arthur Shell Place. Well...my grandma didn't like that name. So she called him "Jerry." If she was mad at him she'd call him "Arthur," but when she was happy, he was always "Jerry." She loved the name Jerry so much that she even named my dad Jerry (although he went by his middle name, Michael). I guess you could say my dad was named after his dad, although if you look back through genealogy records, you'd never know it because there's no record of "Jerry." Although I do remember her calling him "Arthur" in frustration quite often, I know she loved him more than she'd ever say. He knew it too. I'll always remember her saying things to him in frustration but as soon as she'd turn her back he'd look at me and wink and smile. He loved her so much and he knew she loved him. It took me until I was much older to truly understand this and I didn't fully understand it until she was in the nursing home. In the nursing home she let her guard down and I was able to truly see how much she really did love him. He was the love of her life. I am so happy they have now been reunited again.
I guess the most classic thing she'll always be remembered for, though, were her high heels. Grandma ALWAYS wore high heels. She always wore pants--lots of times jeans, her ankle nylons, and her high heels. At the age of 90 she was still wearing them, never anything else. Even after her stroke when they tried to do rehab with her she absolutely insisted on having her heels brought to her to wear when she tried to walk. This picture is one of my favorites of her. Here she is sledding (how many grandmas do you know who are willing to do that?); not only that, but sledding while wearing high heels.After her death I had written a little bit about her on my Facebook account and I loved one of the posts that my sister-in-law Kristyn had written in response. She had said, "Do you think we can wear high heels in heaven? If so I bet she's working them!" I love that thought. I bet she is still workin' the high heels, even up there!

At her funeral my brother Jeff spoke and he told a great story about her. He said she had called to have my dad and Jeff come out to her house and clean out her rain gutters. She was in about her early 80's at this time. Apparently she felt they were taking too long to get there because when they arrived she was up on her roof cleaning out her own rain gutters--in her high heels! I am sure you can understand why the above song lyrics describe her perfectly! I remember many times driving out to her house and finding her in the yard trimming the hedges in her heels.

Although a lot of these memories and trademark qualities are silly, my grandma has changed me in more ways than I can even count. Each day I see more and more of her in me. Although at times my hard-headedness and other qualities I get from her can be negative, I am truly proud of most of the qualities I get from her. While my hard-headedness can be frustrating, it has in many ways gotten me where I am today. As my dad likes to say in reference to his daughters, "I didn't raise no shrinking violets." We all know what we want and are not going to shrink in the face of adversity. We're strong willed and willing to do what it takes to accomplish the things we feel necessary. We get this straight from our grandma. I always used to say I wanted to marry a man just like my dad. While Mike is the most amazing husband I could ever have wished for, he is not much like my dad in the ways I always thought I wanted. As I've grown older though I've realized, it wouldn't have worked to marry a man just like my dad because I am my dad. I have those qualities I thought I always wanted in a husband and I always denied that they were in me because I felt that they were only masculine qualities, but now I see I was wrong. My dad got them straight from my grandma.

I am proud of all the ways I am like her and I hope that our little girl can have those qualities too. I hope she won't give in when she feels things are wrong. I hope she'll fight strong until the very end and never give up. I hope she'll have a strong work ethic and continue through with things until the job is done. I hope she will voice her opinions and never let herself be walked over. Just like me, and my grandma before me, I know she won't be "no shrinking violet." Growing up I always hoped my grandma would live to see the day I married the man of my dreams. I was so happy to have her there for that day. After that I hoped she would live to see my first baby. Although that didn't happen, I know she knows my baby girl. We used to talk about her when I'd go to visit her over the last 7 months. She was so excited for me when I told her I was pregnant. I know she would've loved this baby and although the baby will never know her in this lifetime, I am sure she'll still have a part of Grandma Virginia in her anyway.

I love you Grandma. You were an amazing woman and I'll never forget you. You'll always have a special place in my heart!